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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Adoption

.....is hard! We always read about the happy parts....... But we all know as Christians that life is not easy, He did not promise us that it is. I had a situation with Madeline today that was very ugly... .....Her behavior....... And mine. She became threatened by having to pick up extra children from school and acted out,very badly, and I became slightly undone....... Understatement! Madeline does not react well to transition or the unknown....probably due to not being attended to as an infant........but she does not........she has come such a long way but the scars are still there....... Probably forever........but she will learn to deal with it better as she has already. She is resilient........yet so very fragile.........just breaks my heart. I really struggle with God and what is happening to all these sweet helpless children all over the world........I am thankful that I can make a difference in my daughters life as inadequate as I am.......yes I get frustrated.......I overreact.......I am not understanding and expect her to act "normal"........ I become irrational....I react instead of stepping back and understandIng.........I "get" it after the fact! So here I am tonight just like I did with my big kids, looking at them sleeping and wishing I had been more patient, more loving, just more! It is more.....hard this time around........

"for with much wisdom comes much sorrow;the more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes 1:18

4 comments:

  1. Uuggghh.....I think I've had days like this with all my kids :( or maybe it's me.

    I think parenting is so, so tough! Praying tomorrow is a better day!

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  2. I SO know exactly where you are writing from~ I am telling you EK and M are SO much alike! EK still struggles with issues I think stem from her infant days too. I am so praying for you tonight and hope like Sara that tomorrow is better. You are a precious mom and the perfect one chosen by God for M. Blessings and love!

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  3. Just hopped over from Sara's blog and have not visited before or know your story...but I am sure you are a wonderful mama and are likely handling the rough moments, with more grace then you feel you are :o) Keep pushing through and remember that tomorrow will be better then today :o) Today, even with the hair-graying-moments, was likely better then a month ago...And I'm guessing a month ago, was light years better then those first few months! ;o)

    Thoughts, smiles, and hope for a wonderful week to come!
    M~

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  4. You're the best mom Madeline could ever, ever have. No one can be patient all the time! ;)

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