Thursday, October 4, 2012

Just Thoughts....

 I have been filled with many thoughts lately as we approach Janie's next surgery......thoughts of dread of my own suffering and hers and the rest of our family, yes selfishly I really don't want to suffer. I read the emails from Cincinnati and feel overwhelmed with thoughts of picc lines, npo for 8-10 days, dilators, no enemas for a month (enemas are my friend now).....oh and that I will be alone from 2 days after her surgery until they let us come home hopefully 8 days after that......and that Madeline will be without me for 14 days. Hank will also be alone at home taking care of the 2 other hooligans.....he is scared too!!

All this to say, I have been thinking a lot about suffering. I have had a share of suffering yet I know that does not exempt me from more suffering. Christ called us to suffer. I suffered today through many bouts of whining....seriously I call that suffering! Why is it that I want relief when I suffer??? Even in the little things like whining divas?? It seems like yesterday that I begged God to end Jeff's suffering as he lay dying. I remember "getting" what Christ must have felt when he asked why God had forsaken him.....He was suffering as none of us will ever experience, yet I wanted relief for my husband....... as I want relief now from a little whining and a surgery that is not life threatening but giving my child a chance to live a better life. Janie suffers daily from her need yet she does not even know it.....she is content with the way her little body works.....she is not even aware that she needs relief........doesn't God tell us to have faith like a child?

There is one important thing I learned through hard suffering......God takes over..... I felt Him as I never had before......I depended on Him as I never had before........I was frightened of going back to my old self when the suffering became more bearable....I was afraid of being far from God. That in of itself makes suffering worth it. I believe I have lost sight of the truth of suffering.....since I have not had gut wrenching hard suffering in quite some time. I don't think Janie's surgery and all it will entail is even close to gut wrenching suffering, yet I dread it all the same. My prayer for myself and our family is that we will find this upcoming trial to be one of growth towards God and each other. I'm betting that is what His plan has been all along.....

                                                 ........and of course she is worth it...........

Psalms 22:24
For he has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.


  1. Praying for you and your family. I can't imagine everything you are feeling right now. God is with you all the way!
    Our jet lag and a little whining is nothing compared to what is going on with y'all.

    Blessings, Lori

  2. Bless you as you prepare for this hard time. Praying for you, your family, and sweet Janie!!! She is SO worth it and when all is said and done, you will be all the stronger for it!!! Blessings and love!

  3. I love this post Paige! It breaks my heart when I think of the road you have traveled in your walk... But, I know as you do, that God chose Janie for this very time... And, He picked you because He knew you could do this... That in the end you will see the blessings in the trial... I will be praying for peace beyond all understanding as you head to CVG! Janie is going to one day have such an awesome testimony to share... The one that speaks volumes about how much God loved her even before she knew His name.. And, how He picked a family that would provide not only healing but love beyond all expectations!!!! I love this sweet photo of your precious girl!!!

    Hugs from Napa!

  4. I will certainly be praying for you all! I know all about the surgery apprehension! Just went through that last week....God most definitely has a plan! Hold tight to Him!

    Much love!

  5. Paige, that is so beautiful. I'm crying. Suffering just plain hurts. You've really glorified God beautifully here.

    1. And I am and will be praying for you and Janie and all of your family.

  6. Paige, I haven't kept up with each and every post...but ran across this one and am feeling so exactly the same way right now. The apprehension and dread over another surgery have me so unsettled. It actually eases my mind to know I'm not the only one feeling this way right now. Do you have a surgery date for Cincy? Raimey will be there 12-26 with surgery on 12-31. Is there any way we'll both be there at the same time? Hugs and prayers from afar....from another mama who understands all too well! ~Angie J.

  7. Oh, how I love your heart for Jesus... praying for your family, and that the Lord will comfort you all through her surgery, for God's healing and for Him to continue to be glorified as He leads you from glory to glory...
    I agree with what you said about suffering... it is very difficult to go into it willingly, joyfully! Yet when you are in the midst of it, the Lord reveals Himself to you in such a sweet way, that it is priceless... The valley is truly filled with the beauty of the Lord...
    You are beautiful Paige....keep shining bright and God's blessings to your family.

  8. Praying beautiful friend