adjcausing wonder or astonishment
I have been pondering the definition of amazing for a few days. There is a u tube video going around adoption communities right now that is really funny to watch. Some adoptive moms made it to show all the comments we as adoptive parents get. "Is she your real child?", "Where is her real Mom?", "Are they sisters?", and my favorite, "You're amazing".
I am never offended by this comment but I always walk away thinking "yeah right, you should have seen me screaming at my children this morning, or seen me cry in fetal position in the middle of the bathroom floor, or seen me roll my eyes at the back of my precious child's head as she walks away from me sassing away, or heard my deeeeeeeeep sighs as I try to navigate through this craziness". I'm pretty sure you would not find me very amazing then!!
I have been thinking lately as people watch our family navigate through this maze of hospitals, surgeries, ect why they think we are amazing. I have come to the conclusion that there is a disconnect in understanding the difference between your "own" child and an adopted child. See, I don't think of Janie any differently as I would had she been born from my body. She is my baby and my love. We all know each and every one of us as parents would work and suffer to the ends of the earth for our child. We get them the best medical care we can afford, we spend many sleepless nights making sure they are peaceful in their sleep, we clothe, feed, hug, cry with them, and go to the hospital with them. And beg for prayers from our friends when the going gets tough. Then you get comments like, "I'm sorry your sweetie is in the hospital", "what can I do to help", "I hope you get some sleep", ect. I got all those comments and help as well from everyone!! BUT you would never get "you're amazing", because it is a given that of course you would do these things for your child. We all do these things for our children. We are not that amazing. We are merely doing what all parents do for their child.
I think what causes people to look at us in "wonder and astonishment" is that we have done something that they cannot imagine doing or perhaps unwilling to do so. Of course I felt that way too as I watched many adoptive parents struggle under the weight of medical issues with their child. Now that I'm on the receiving end "I get it". It is all about God. He is cause for wonder and astonishment. I stand in wonder and astonishment daily when I think about what He has done in my life. You see, I did not scour the adoption waiting lists "looking" for a child I desperately wanted. My heart hurt for orphans and I sponsored a child ( our Janie). At that moment I think God smiled and said "Look at what I'm going to do for this child and for you." What followed is amazing! He took one specific child from across the world and navigated through all the man made tape that adoptive parents have to go through and placed this specific child with a specific family that He chose......us. The fact that He chose our family is amazing......... that He decided to turn my heart inside out for a child I had only seen in pictures. He caused a hurt so deep in my heart that I could not turn away. He drove me in a way I have never been driven.....He called me to THIS child. That is amazing!
So......all this to say I am not that amazing. Our God is amazing. Now you can sit and watch how unamazing (is that a word?) I will be in all this crazy life entails:). When it appears that I am handling myself well, that only comes from God, He knows I don't handle it all that well (as does my husband:)!