Thursday, August 8, 2013

Fear and Dread....

It took a look at sweet Lauren's blog to bring my world into perspective again......

She posted this pic from my house in the midst of the chaos she helps me with...
She said "even when our world seems upside down, God keeps his promises"
spoken so simply and eloquently by this sweet 24 year old

my mother gave me this little sign and I keep it right by my sink to be a daily reminder.....
lately I have been so caught up in said chaos that I have lost sight of it....
I have lost sight that God made promises to me....

"Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God
who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I have been stuck in that fear and dread place for much of this summer......
I hesitate in sharing much info since Madeline is getting older and I feel a strong need to protect her...
A child like this can rip your heart in two in the intense way she moves me to love her and the intense way she can frustrate me in her loss of control...
all that to say it's been a little rough over here....
hence the quietness on the blog.......

As I am coming to terms with her long term "diagnosis" 
I feel fear and dread
As I deal with daily confrontations....
I feel fear and dread
When I see absolute joy on her face...
I feel fear and dread of what is to come later

I don't however fear and dread our God
I know this deep in my soul that He is good
that He loves me
that He loves Madeline more than I can even imagine
I only fear Him in a lovely way
I am choosing to hold on to that kind of fear.....

"Let all the earth fear the Lord,
Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him!
Psalm 33:8


  1. What is her diagnosis officially? Praying for your family.

  2. I am so sorry for whatever you are facing with Madeline. You have such a close and loving family, and I hope you can find comfort with them. Don't forget that there are wonderful parental support groups for many issues and sharing with others is helpful on many levels.

  3. Just a feeling that you may be dealing with an autism spectrum diagnosis?? If so, perhaps I can offer some support as I am the mother of a beautiful about to be nine year old nonverbal daughter with classic autism. email is I can tell you that from the moment my daughter was diagnosed, I was determined to live the following truth: (1) to remain a happy family and (2) for God to give me the strength I needed to be the mom that my daughter deserved and (3) for God to teach me everything he wanted me to learn from this. I'd like to share that we are a happy family, God continues to provide me with strength when I need it most, and the lessons I have learned in this journey and will learn going forward are too numerous and profound to put into words. I have learned what's truly important in this life. I have learned that I must trust in God to protect and provide for my daughter all of her life. I am a better daughter, wife, mother, and all around person.

  4. Paige,
    So thankful we got to talk last night.... I am praying for your baby girl... I know this is HARD!!!! But, I also know God IS and has been equipping you to journey the next chapter.. You and I both know that God can move mountains.. I am trusting in that truth today... You are a wonderful mother.. Even on the most chaotic of days..... Madeline knows she is loved.. Verse of the day: Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble...." Soon it will be first grade!!! :)


  5. Sending hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers your way.

  6. They don't make them better then you!! Hang in there my dear friend. Step by step-- love conquers all!!

  7. I am SO thankful I took time to read blogs tonight... haven't been very good at it since coming home this last time from China. I am also thankful you shared what you have been going through and I am praying tonight for you as I go to sleep. You are a great mom and God chose you specifically to be Madeline's mom!!! A beautiful girl and so so precious!!! Blessings and love!!! XOXOXO

  8. Wow. You are a brave woman and God knew what he was doing when he gave your children to you. Prayers for your beautiful, beautiful daughter.

  9. I haven't been in the blog world for awhile! So thankful I bounced over here ... know that you are your sweet Madeline will be in my prayers. Praying God will continue to hold your heart and direct your path on the new journey you are needed to walk forward in. So thankful we can rest in the fact that he chose these precious ones to be ours and he WILL provide what we need each and every day.